yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
