dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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