So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
