You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
