So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
