Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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