i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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