he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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