DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
