She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
