I just threw up on my dentist
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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