i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
