She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
