You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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