Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
