So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
