I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
