I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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