Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
