My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
