Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
