cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
