Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
