Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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