if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
