she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
