I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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