I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
