finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
