I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
