I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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