My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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