Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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