he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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