I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
