Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
