Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
