Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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