I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
3 2 1 whiskey
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
