as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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