You really coming over, don't trick.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
