I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
