God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
