She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
