just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
