Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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