Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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