i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
