thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
