why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
