dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
