Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to fling myself into the sun
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
