One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
