you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
