Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
