i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
